Friday, April 9, 2010

It's so easy to fall back...

So yesterday I got a surprising email from my mom about my daughter. It basically said that her behavior had gotten out of hand and that she was really concerned that something was wrong.

Let me give the background here. I've talked about her Aspergers, and she has other issues as well, but her treatment has been working spectacularly for about 2 years now. Now before the treatment, she was completely unable to control her temper, her behavior, or her general emotions. She was often cruel and, at times, abusive to the people around her. And, when she would hurt others, she often was equally abusive to herself. She was hurting and anyone that came in contact with her was hurting. It was absolutely the worst experience I've ever been through.

When the email came yesterday, I panicked. What could we do? Who could we call? How could we insure that this wasn't history beginning to repeat itself?

In the end, it turned out to be a misunderstanding. But it made me think about how hard it is to believe the best sometimes. I'm an optimist by nature, but, at times, I've found myself beaten down to the point that it becomes hard to believe anything but the very worst. And that's just the beginning of a vicious cycle.

But I do have to admit that, after being faced with that fear and seeing the sun come out again, it made me appreciate today. And maybe it's a reminder that I needed. Maybe I need to make sure I remember that my worst day today is far, far better than my best day in years past.

So, for today at least, I do remember. And I'm fully aware of the lightness of my load today. And I am so, so thankful for that lightening.

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