But, every once in a while, I'm reminded of the thing that is truly miraculous about the blog world. You can follow a link looking for one thing and find something you didn't even think you were looking for. Or someone can find you when they didn't even know they were looking for you. And that happened to me over the weekend.
I received an email from the mom of a 5 yr old boy with Aspergers. She told me that hearing the stories about my daughter gave her hope. And I can't even explain how much that meant.
For many years, I kept what was going on with my daughter a secret. At a certain point I became too weak to hide that there were problems, but I still never dared tell the full truth. And, to be honest, there are elements that I probably will never be able to talk about. But for years, you would never, ever hear me mention the term Aspergers. My little girl couldn't be autistic. I couldn't or, to be more honest, wouldn't accept it.
As I read this other mom's blog, I was transported back to the past for a second. I remembered those moments, both the terrible and the beautiful. I remembered the times I broke down on Not-So-Ex (who was my actual ex at the time) and he had to comfort a woman who though her daughter was lost. But I also remembered those first few times when I saw the cloud lift and my daughter re-emerge. And those wonderful times were what kept me trying, even after the heartbreak of watching her fall back into the cloud again.
So I would like to say to this mom, and any others, the thing that her doctor said to me one day that meant everything.
This is not because of you. You did not cause this and you can't fix it either. All that you can do is do the best that you can. Sometimes you will fail, and that's ok. Because they need to know that everyone fails. Sometimes things will work and sometimes they won't. But the most important thing is that you keep trying.
And I would also add my own advice as well. Above all else, protect your child. And never let anyone disrespect your knowledge or understanding of your child. Work with your doctor, but do not let their words trump your knowledge or intuition because they can fail too. And, above all else, cherish the good moments. Your child may never be "normal", but they will be so much cooler than that because they'll be themselves.