What I learned this year (pt 2)

Lesson 2: Do no harm

During the divorced years, I had a ring that said "Live as if now is all there is." And that was very much how I lived my life. Now my children and their growth and well being came first, but my only other priority was to enjoy life and get as much out of it as possible.

However, there is a problem with that priority. When you live as if there's no tomorrow, you live a life expecting no consequences. But, in real life, there will always be a consequence.

Instead of living life to enjoy, I was living life to grab all I could. When I say that, I must clarify that it was never about accumulating money or even things, since I am not a particularly materialistic type, it was this fear that I may miss an opportunity... an experience, and never get that chance again. And in the rush of all this grabbiness, others got hurt.

At the time, I thought it didn't matter. So what if a person I didn't even know got hurt by my choices. But, you know what, I did care. I may not have shown it, but it effected the way I felt about who I was. It effected the value that I placed on myself.

The fact is that, while I am secure enough in myself right now to say that I don't care what anyone thinks of me, I will always care what someone KNOWS about me. No matter who they are or how well I know them.

I can't undo past hurt. But I can work to ensure that my present and future actions never cause another person pain. And hopefully that will lead to a good life rather than a grabby one.