I have to admit that, around the time I was offered this job, I was waiting to hear on another job as well. In all honesty, I hoped I would be offered the other one, since it was located a bit further from the Capitol grounds and, while that would present some challenges transportation-wise, it would also help in some other ways. When the other job was filled, I had to trust that there was a bigger picture. And that definitely seems to have been the case.
I have made a serious effort of late to remove the negative voices from my life and from my own head. I have worked to focus on the positive aspects and, luckily, there is a lot to focus on these days.
On one of my first days, my new boss sat me down and explained that I would be gradually learning my three grant programs and, for the time being, would be doing some tasks that the secretary, who will be going on maternity leave soon, would normally handle. He was concerned that I would find it boring but felt that, in the end, I would be able to learn my programs from start to finish.
One of those boring tasks is entering charitable donations into a database. While it is repetitive, I also found it beautiful. I entered donation after donation, each one making me feel better about where I live. There was one check for tens of thousands of dollars that would go to feeding and clothing families that couldn't provide for themselves. There was another check for ten thousand going to a small town theater. And then there were tons of smaller ones as well. Every single check going to a non-profit that only wanted to help others. With every check processed, I felt my cynicism shrink. And that made me happy.
A friend told me a long time ago, "If you're not happy with your life, change it." At the time, I scoffed that it wasn't that simple. And, to an extent, it wasn't. I had to change myself first. But everything else was changeable too. I could spend every day looking at the list of what I don't have and taking what I do have for granted, or I can celebrate every single thing that I am blessed with (and that is quite a list). I think I'm gonna stick with the latter.